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I think I’m a fraud.

I did the correct things in the right order. I read the guidelines thrice. I edited my word count and submitted in the appropriate format.

I slowly wound my way through the bureaucracy of writing, posting, submitting, designing. I built trust and loved on the few who were called to hear this message.

It never became big; I never garnered a following.

It felt like I was a fraud.

So I spent those years in the trenches, usually learning the slow, hard way, without enough money or time to purchase the help I needed or get “somewhere” quickly. By the time I was proud of myself for learning the new thing, pouring hours into mastering whatever the thing might be, a new technology had already been created to do it for me.

Hours wasted; years of work gone, spent.

I followed the formulas, too, the sequences, the seven-steps, and the ordered paths. Set forth by marketing masterminds and blogger gurus, these blueprints were arduous and exhausting to implement. They chafed at my dyslexic brain as I fought to grasp their sorcery–so effective, so improbable to comprehend, and so impossible to implement.

I wrote my bio as if I am someone. I seem impressive, and what I said is all still true. But I still feel like I am presenting a facade for I am really quite ordinary.

But the message went out. Only to a few. But those few heard. I did my best to bless them and serve them well.

It was worth it; it is worth it, I must tell myself over and again. My calling feels so big . . .

Fraud as a writer

The rest of this post is found at Red Tent Living, as I talk about writing, identity and how we can moving forward past impostor syndrome from the context of spiritual faith.

Then read the next two posts in the series here:

Identity Theft: Impostor Syndrome Pt.2

Work: Impostor Syndrome Pt.3

Purpose RoadmapLive a Story Worth Living

If the idea of "purpose" always seemed a little vague to you or you don't have a lot of time to spare, this is for you!

Purpose Roadmap: Discover A Story Worth Living is a free mini-workbook with seven-destination points to help you intentionally choose what you want to let motivate you in life. I'm all about empower everyday people like you to know where to start in all of life's craziness to begin discovering your best role to change the world without burning out.