Impostor Syndrome Pt.3
I’ve never worked a 9-5 job.
I’ve never made a paycheck that would keep me afloat.
My family, then school, then missions (which was pretty much my family), and then my husband (young love) has always paid most of my bills.
I don’t think I take that provision for granted. For although I’ve never held the responsibility, I see its effects and have always felt like a team member.
After all, everything I’m good at seems to be in the ten lowest paying jobs (like social work, counseling, music, arts, writing, teaching, childcare, ministry, non-profit, etc…).
Maybe someday I can bring in the money, and employ my own team (my dream), but right now I am just trying to make ends meet with my small Average Advocate business.
My husband, who is technical, tends to falls under the higher paying jobs. Is it weird that I consider him as someone who pays my salary so I can work full-time on world-changing things? For at any given season I am working in many ways, by birthing/raising our kids, managing a household, or writing, speaking, consulting, coaching, or starting non-profits, a Mentorship Circle or other church ministries.
I even try to keep my house clean (sorta), do the laundry, put out fires, manage kid’s school paperwork (no joke), let people recover in my home, and I even pay the bills.
Yes, I work constantly. I know I work.
But, I am also spoiled. I am only saying that to you because I am intimidated.
For in work, I feel like an impostor.
I might not have an office space or be the breadwinner, but I still feel like I have to prove to you my work is valuable. Isn’t that silly?
And although I’d love to relate to every breadwinning adult out there with a 9-5 career of 40 years, I just can’t and probably won’t ever.
But I do relate to work. I’m just not sure you relate to me or validate me back.
Recently, I wrote Fraud (Impostor Syndrome Pt.1) and then Identity Theft (Impostor Syndrome Pt. 2) and then and have been talking about the impostor syndrome in other Instaposts. Why? Because it’s real and keeping us from being who we are meant to be and making the difference we are born to make in the world.
We can’t give it power anymore. For me, I have to overcome feeling like an impostor at the concept of “work,” or else I won’t show up to work here, at Average Advocate.